U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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