Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
