I accidentally burped into my bong.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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