I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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