I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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