I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
