Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
