I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
