So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
