The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
