Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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