Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
