I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
