The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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