He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
