this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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