I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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