Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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