i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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