I think my vagina is haunted
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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