the day after is always just damage control
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
