If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
