so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
