look no pants
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
