It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
