he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
