I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
