just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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