and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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