Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
