the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
