There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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