im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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