I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
