Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
