Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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