I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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