I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have fence marks all over my body
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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