Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
