It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
