I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
