I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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