Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
