so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
