The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
