think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
