I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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