There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
