yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
