We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
