one two three fourrrrnication!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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