So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Randomize
